And with 27 Years of Experience...

So it is a celebration of 27 years this Friday for one Duncan McAllister, or what some people would call, my birthday. For this special event I thought I would dispense a little bit of life experience for all the young readers out there. It is going to be a little like that 'wear sunscreen' song by Baz Luhrman a few years back. Ok, like 7 years back.

I would like to take a moment to let everybody know to wear sunscreen.

That is all.

Goodnight.

What's that? You were looking for more tidbits of wisdom? OK, let me see what I have in here.

(Imagine me searching through an old gym bag)

Let's see...

Always keep your sense of humour with you at all times. It is the best weapon to diffuse many difficult situations and is a great party trick.

Change the oil in your car more than once a year. I know that sounds like such a hassle but trust me, it will be better in the long run.

Don't try and sleep with every girl you meet. This will only cause you to have very few friends when your time is up.

Don't fall in the dump. (That posting was a true story)

If you do fall in the dump, even if you don't think you are hurt, try and get to a doctor. (I couldn't drink soda for a year after that)

Don't be afraid to talk to a girl now and then.

Everybody gets rejected, don't take it personally. (She was a bitch anyway)

Get a good dentist. It makes those trips a million times easier to make.

Watch the news every now and then and keep yourself educated, but try and follow that up with about 2 to 3 episode of the Simpsons or the Family Guy so you don't fall into depression.

Don't watch every movie expecting an Oscar film. Watch movies for what they are and escape the world for two hours. No, they do not have magic tickets in reality, but Last Action Hero is freaking hilarious.

If a girl tries to ask you out, don't say no because you watch wrestling with your buddy on Friday night's. (I am an idiot)

Even if you hate to dance try and make an effort to go to your senior prom.

Believe what you want to believe, just don't preach it to me.

If you do not believe in evolution, do not go watch the movie about volcanoes then, or for that matter, anything that might offend you. As a follow up comment, change the freaking channel if you do not like what is on.

Keep your friends close and your enemies, lose their number, why even keep them around.

Always look ahead in life and be ready to change direction. That way when you get your ass fired it is less of a shock.

Go to bed early rather than sleeping in late.

It you want to surf porn make sure you close the door.

Follow your dreams until you are 21 years old, then get new dreams, or maybe lower your standards.

And finally, to steal a quote from Darryl Lennox,

"You know who cares less about your problems than you? Everybody."

The Results Are In!!!

I always knew I was just a little bit off but not a totally out of control wierd-o. Sure Cheez-Wiz is not everybodies favorite sandwich, but I am not the only one who doesn't care which way the tiolet paper roll in on.

I am 55% Normal (Somewhat Normal)

While some of my behavior is quite normal... Other things I do are downright strange I've got a little of my freak going on But I mostly keep my weirdness to myself

How Normal Are You?

Blame It On The Rain, Hey, Milli Vanilli Did!

I know that you have all met that person. The guy or girl that has an excuse for everything they do that is a mistake. That nothing that ever happens is their fault. That something outside of them is causing them to screw up. I have to say that I do not enjoy these people.

I do have one obvious statement to make, "Sometimes it really isn't your fault but most of the time it is, so live with it."

I believe that Darwin has a little theory on evolution that you should all look into because it covers something called adaptation.

It doesn't matter that you are 6'5" and the tables are "too short", because like the teacher said, they have had much taller people in the class before that did just fine.

But Duncan, "It is not my fault I was late because I couldn't find parking!"

First of all the statement implicates yourself in the crime as 'you' could not find parking but that is still not a valid reason to show up late to your job interview. Next time try leaving earlier, or don't look for free parking for so long and put a damn quarter in the meter.

Please take some of the blame, or maybe all of it. Sometimes you can not be successful at something because you are just not good at it or you do not want to work that hard at it. Having excuses for everything is annoying and really shows me the kind of person you are.

No, not all the other drivers are bad, and no they were not just slamming on their breaks in front of you, and no the cops do not give you speeding tickets just because you look suspicious. Maybe YOU are the bad driver, maybe the person in front of you actually slows down and stop when the yellow light appears, and maybe YOU got a speeding ticket because YOU were freaking speeding.

There is nothing wrong with admitting you made a mistake because then you can live, learn, and improve yourself for next time. There is nothing wrong with saying sorry because you screwed up. There is something wrong with blaming your mistake on someone else because then you will never improve yourself as you are always looking for the situation to improve, for the world to change. I guess you will be waiting for awhile

Adapt, change, make an adjustment!

There is always something that YOU can do. If you were perfect and knew everything and everything that went wrong was someone else's fault, I have a news flash, you wouldn't be making minimum wage when you are 30 years old.

Crap - I make minimum wage! What has the world done to ME!

VH1: Behind the Helmet

It is getting closer to May and the much anticipated release of the final Star Wars movie and it has really got me thinking.

Thinking to why Anakin would turn to the Dark Side?

He must have had good enough reasons. It all couldn't have been just because he was power hungry and vengeful, or emotionally unstable, and I don't believe he was hypnotized or anything like that either. I think that in the end it was all about job security and what was the best for his family.

I have an argument to support this theory and it goes a little something like this (This argument may or may not be based on actual fact and I may have embellished ever so slightly. I apologize now to the purists.)

1) Job Security: He could see that the Empire had a solid foundation in place already and they were only moving up. I mean they were taking over the Trade Federation and growing exponentially. This was a company that was going to be around for awhile.

2) Growth Potential: He wasn't about to hang his hat in the Jedi council where promotions are few and far between, where they put age ahead of innovation. You need people to leave or to die before you can move up. That is an old and long ladder to climb and he could see many years between pay raises and elevated roles. The Empire rewards hard work and innovation and if you show a little moxy you can move up quickly.

3) Company Vision: The Empire had a great vision statement and knew what it was going to take to get there. I know that in my own experience a company that has a great and well thought out vision is a company that is going places, and the Empire is one of those.

4) Work Hours: The Alliance hours are very, very long and Anakin had twins on the way. He wasn't about to take a job that didn't allow him the time to be a family man. He needed more flexibility and that is what the Empire could offer him.

5) Pay Scale: As noted, the growth potential in the Empire is vast and quick and the pay structure can move up very quickly. The Empire knows they are not in the most luxurious business and they compensated appropriately. Bonuses also were very attractive and had the potential to increase your yearly salary by 55%. Both the Alliance and the Jedi Council have very long work hours for unflattering pay and a limited bonus structure.

6) Great Benefits Package: They had full health and dental for him as well as any dependents and spouses so already that is a great deal. They get 4 weeks paid vacation each year, which is unheard of in most other Galactic 500 Companies, company shares, and company run pension program. They also have great hazard pay and full expense coverage, as well as a vehicle allowance. The best part is the Empire owns resorts and hotels across the solar system and every Empire employee gets great discounted rates to stay at all Empire owned hotels and resorts.

In the end you can see that the Empire put a very attractive plan on the table and it was an offer that he just couldn't refuse. I mean this was more than just about him, he had to think about his family too.

Just Because...

Just because you smoke in your car it doesn't mean that you can just dump your finished cigarette out the window.

Just because you want to stay up late doesn't mean the rest of the house wants to as well.

Just because you want to sleep doesn't mean I was done talking.

Just because you don't eat meat doesn't mean everybody else needs to stop as well.

Just because I eat meat it doesn't mean that I think animal abuse is ok, except with cows and chickens, because they are dumb.

Just because you need into my lane in traffic, and I let you in, doesn't mean you can continue driving without a courtesy wave.

Just because you are late it doesn't mean you get to honk your horn in the traffic jam, that everyone else is stuck in.

Just because it is raining it doesn't mean you have to go 30 km/h below the speed.

Just because it is sunny out it doesn't mean you have to go 30 km/h above the speed limit.

Just because you need to say it, it doesn't mean you need to spray it.

Just because you didn't get a call doesn't mean you're not invited.

Just because you are cranky doesn't mean you get to rain on my parade or pee in my cornflakes.

Just because you are having a great day doesn't mean that I am.

Just because you have tomorrow off doesn't mean that I do and want to get pissed.

Just because a rule is stupid it doesn't mean you don't have to follow it.

Just because you think it is a good idea it doesn't mean it is.

Just because you think it is a bad idea it doesn't mean it is.

Just because you are not getting any doesn't mean you can cock block me.

Just because I said it to you it doesn't mean you can broadcast the world.

Just because I made a mistake this time it doesn't mean I will do the same thing again.

Just because I don't say it, it doesn't mean I don't feel it.

Just because I look happy to be there doesn't mean I am.

Just because I have am being quiet it doesn't mean that I am shy.

Just because I make a joke it doesn't mean you have to laugh.

Just because you don't like 'Jar Jar' doesn't mean everyone else agrees with you.

Just because I have a preference for dogs it doesn't means that I hate cats, but they are evil.

Just because you have a belief it doesn't mean you get to preach it to me.

Just because I haven't called it doesn't mean that you don't have my number as well.

Just because everyone else is doing it doesn't mean I shouldn't as well, because it looks fun.

Just because it looks fun it doesn't mean it is, trust me.

Just because it says it's good until March 11th, it doesn't mean it is. Eeeeewwwww!

Just because I look overweight it doesn't mean I can't play.

Just because you make more money it doesn't make you a better person, but it helps.

Just because I am taller than you doesn't mean the weather is any different way up here.

Just because your parents won't let you it doesn't mean they are being overprotective, but it sure feels like it. Man, I wish they would loosen up, I mean everybody else is allowed to go, and for crying out loud I am 26 and 11/12th years old.

Just because I am part of this generation it doesn't mean I have to be a politically correct wiener...what's that...sorry, I mean politically correct person lacking a sense of humour.

Just because I have a blog it doesn't mean I am a nerd, but it probably does.

Just because I am a "T" man doesn't mean I don't enjoy a little "n' A" as well.

Just because I have cell phone it doesn't mean I take it with me everywhere, especially when the battery is dead.

Just because it happens in a movie it doesn't mean that it can really happen.

Just because it really happened it doesn't mean it needs to be a movie. Enough with the bio-pics already.

Just because I live in Canada it doesn't mean that I care that the NHL is still locked out and it doesn't mean I need daily updates about it. I get it, they have been locked out for a long time, just figure it out already.

Just because the NHL is locked out doesn't mean I don't still hate the Leafs.

Just because it is a popular sport it doesn't mean it needs to be an Olympic sport. Once again Bowling should not be an event, and for that matter, neither should the trampoline, even though we got a medal in it.

Just because you can play it just as well hammered it doesn't mean that Curling is not a sport.

Just because it looks easy it doesn't mean it is, again, trust me.

Just because I am done doesn't mean you can not add a few of your own.

The Lost Art of the High Five

Over the years everything will change and I have slowly learned to accept that. I know that I try to make little effort to conform and definitely enjoy the classics like the original Tranformers cartoon, Big League Chew, and The Dukes of Hazzard. Everything now a days needs to be updated and hip, according to the popular culture. One thing that has been lost is the good old fashioned high five.

The high five used to be great. It used to be the best compliment of a job well done. It used to be so easy. It has subsequently been morphed into fist pounding, knuckle bashing, or a series of wiggles, waggles, and slides. It is too pompous and takes the focus away on what the high five used to mean. Even slight adjustments to the five, like the up and under, where the five starts high and ends low, a la Tom Cruise and Anthony Edwards in Top Gun during the volleyball match, bastardizes the five. Even something as slight as that takes the attention away from the act and its transfer of good will and congratulation to an act of showboating, a show of pure classlessness.

I started to think though that many kids these day probably lack the proper education on what a great and appropriate high five is all about. To start with you need to know what the high five truly means and when to actually use it as it is a very diverse tool and can be used in many situations. Let me discuss a few.

The most obvious is the celebratory high five. This is used to congratulate a teammate or in a work setting, a colleague, on a job well done. It is meant for minor victories but ones that must be acknowledged. Like hoop and the harm, hitting a sacrifice fly, or getting a strike in the fourth frame would all be very appropriate times to use this high five. Please do not high five big events such as game winning baskets and winning provincial championships as these events require more than the simple, but great, high five.

The other main high five that has a little less gusto is the congratulatory high five, though very similar, this one would be giving to the opposition. This is usually reserved for less competitive events like beer league softball, a pick up game of hoops, or maybe a quick 4 end curling match. For larger and more competitive events, like university sports, a firm hand shake should be used.

Other, more frowned upon uses for the high five, are the "good burn" high five, as this is more of a gloat than a pat on the back. Also high fives for doing something stupid or flukey can send the wrong message at times, but are very good at boosting morale, but please do not over use them.

Ok, now onto technique. In its sound and feel the perfect high five should have a loud pop or snap sound, but should not sting. If a sting remains afterwards it means that you are making too hard of contact and should practice better contact by clapping and finding that perfect tempo. The side effects of a stinging five is the reluctance to enjoy later and more important high fives, thus making events less enjoyable.

Now onto the look. First you should have a slight - ever so slight - arch in the fingers creating a small cup. This is to trap air between the two hands and helps increase volume without increasing velocity. The elbow should, at a minimum, be at shoulder height, but never fully extended. The hand should remain in line with the forearm. The arm should be extended up and out from the elbow, at a 90 to 120 degree angle from the upper arm and then remain still. This is the important part. All the movement is in the shoulders. This prevents unneeded injuries to the elbow. You should try and use your right hand and both you and your partner should have five digits on each hand, thus creating the five for which the move is named.

Now, moving ever so slightly towards your partner, both participants should rotate the arm slightly back past vertical and in a swift and smooth motion rotate forwards, using your shoulders only. Both hands should meet evenly, with the thumb connecting with the pinky of the partner. This should create the desired popping sound. If contact is not made properly you will hear more of a smacking sound.

Now some other general rules:

1) Be sure to keep a mental record of your best high fives and what they relate to and who they were with. Don't be afraid to rank your fives. As they say in business, those things that get measured, improve.

2) Celebrate your great high fives with nothing more than words of enjoyment or possibly a verbal ranking of where that five stands against all the rest. Never, ever high five your high five, it will just take away from the original, especially if the next one goes badly.

3) Finally, use your high fives responsibly as they possess great power, in healing the down trodden and in increasing positive energy. Never high five when the mundane happens as this will not drive your student to strive for more high fives. If you give them out for everything then the meaning is gone and the high five loses its motivational power.

Now go forth and re-educate. The world needs high fives to move forward, but please do not give high tens, especially without a spotter, as they can cause awkward eye contact and chest bumping, which leads to unwanted pregnancy.

Cana-No on Missile Defense

As I was snoozing in bed this morning I was listening to an all news radio station. I am not entirely sure why but that is just what I like to wake up to. Maybe it is the traffic and weather on the :01's but what ever it is I always seemed to get wrapped up into something they are reporting.

This morning was no different. My alarm went off, I hit snooze, seven minutes later my alarm went off, I hit snooze, seven minutes later my alarm went off but this time I didn't hit snooze. This time they were in a middle in a report about how "Americans" were outraged that we, as Canadians, did not want any part of the missile defense program. This kept my attention and really got my blood flowing.

I know that not all Americans care what we do, or think that it is a big deal that we choose not to be part of this next generation of Star Wars, but there are some out their that think we are taking a free ride to protection. That we know that if a missile comes soaring over the ocean with dead aim on Edmonton that our American friends will bail us out. That we just do not want to foot the bill for the protection.

Well, here is what my opinion is (remember that this is my opinion and I am entitled to think what ever the hell I want to).

First off I have never been more proud and happy and thankful to be a Canadian then I have been over the past 4 years. Coincidently the very same years that George W. has been leader of the United States. Our leaders have finally made some great, yes controversial, but fantastic decisions. We decided not to follow the USA to Iraq to take over all the oil, whoops, I mean liberate Iraq of all its oil, crap, I mean of that terrible man Saddam. Now we have decided not to be part of this crazy missile defense program.

These are great things and I do not care if is ticks all those red blooded Americans off.

Now lets make a couple things clear.

We are neighbours by geography, not by ideals. We happen to have set up our great country next to theirs. That doesn't mean that we should or have to do everything they do. Anything they can do, we can do better, well, expect maybe television. I do thank them for that because if I had to watch "Wind at My Back" while growing up and would be a much different man.

Canada would help you if you were truly in danger. It is just that we thought that Bin Laden was the bad guy and we didn't see what oil had to do with it. Do I feel safer that Saddam is gone? The short answer is no, because I never really felt in danger before.

Why do we not want to be part of the missile defense program?

Because we do not need to be. Not one leader in the world is cursing Canada when they wake up in the morning. They don't read the morning paper and see Canada forcing themselves on other countries and being big bullies. They don't get up in the morning and say, "Man, that Paul Martin is a real dink. We should bomb the crap out of Sudbury and that pompous big nickel. That will show them."

News Flash!!

The world hates America.

Canadians are not in danger and we have our security in who we are and what we stand for. You don't see us rushing to sew little American flags on our backpacks before we travel. Strangely you are sewing the Canadian flag to yours. Why? Because you know that everyone doesn't like you as well and now you need missile defense just to be safe.

You can have your missile defense shove it. I know we will be safe under our maple leaf.

The Torch

I have now, over the past week and a half been enjoying work once again after my six week lay off. It is now that some of you have noticed, especially you Cyril (big props to the big fan) that my blog has not been as updated as often. I need to set reasonable goals for myself for blogging. I mean before I wasn't even working so I has sorts of time to blog but now my after work lazy genes are kicking in.

I think it is only reasonable that I post 2-3 articles a week, no matter how lame. So I will do that starting now. Anyways, in response to the challenging questions posted by Tony, the Basic Thugsnomics professor, I have this post.

1. Total amount of music files on your computer: 95, ranging from country to 50's pop, Britney Spears to Good Charlotte.

2. The last CD you bought was: Cake - Pressure Chief and Linkin Park/Jay-Z - Collision Course were purchased at the same time

3. What is the song you last listened to before reading this message?: The last one I remember hearing in the car was "21st Century Digital Boy"

4. Write down 5 songs you often listen to or that mean a lot to you:

Learning How to Smile - Everclear - It was never really released as a single but it was a great song. Slow to start with rocking bits in the middle. It just does it all for me.

West End Memorial - Good Riddance - This is a song that has a lot of history and strangely is one of those songs that you can barely understand the lyrics. It has that angry punk growling type singing. I guess that is why it was so great for drunken debauchery.

Jolene - Cake - It is just a song I love to listen to. No real special meaning but I smile when it starts to play

Naveed - Our Lady Peace - There was something in the air that night at edgefest when Our Lady Peace played this song the the whole audience, 10,000 people, started to sing along. It was one of the most surreal moments. That was then followed by a long walk back from Calgary Motor Speedway, luckily finding a buddy to chance a ride to my car back at Mount Royal, driving back to Windermere, sleeping for 3 hours and then driving to Burnaby for my first day at SFU.

Wonderwall - Oasis - I know that you all groaned but this song with always be attached to going to "AA" Basketball Provincials and having the best road trip ever. 13 Guys in a Van driving from Langley to Vancouver to watch a Grizzlies game, singing our guts out. Man that was awesome. At the same time N Trance's version of "Stayin' Alive" evoke the same memories.

Anyways, that is mine. I will have a real post in less than two days.

I promise.