I Was Saved by Jesus or Hay-Zeus if You're Nasty

It has been a few great days as we are now traveling up the West coast of Mexico. We still have just over a week left and the days continue to be filled to fun and relaxation. Lola continues to dominate all the competition and is now a celebrity on the cruise. People and always stopping her and congratulating her on how well she performed in whatever event of the day she crushed some old folks in. You will have to read Lola’s blog for more information. I recommend it. I would actually recommend that you stop reading my blog and read hers. It is just too funny.

A couple days ago we were in Costa Rica. I formally apologize to Hien for the late notice on our arrival in Puntarenas, or as I was to learn from you Hien, the beautiful city of Punt-Her-Anus. It was an action packed day as we went on a $100 taxi cab into the wilds of Costa Rica. We started by having the driver Jesus stop and buy some Bananas. It was like a dozen Bananas for like $0.75. That was worth the cab fare alone. From there we traveled along the well maintained highway…wait…I mean we traveled along the National Pot Hole Preservation and Research Facility to an unfinished resort called La Roca. It was unfinished because when they had started building it one of the investors took off with all the money. Now it is a tourist stop where they try and see the monkeys.

Well, we did not see the monkeys but we did see the first of several iguanas of the day but this one happened to be the biggest. With the tail it was probably close to 4 feet long. It was really amazing not to see an iguana in an aquarium under a heat lamp. In the tree above the where we saw the iguana was the find of the day.

In the tree was a coatimundi which looks like a cross between a fox and a raccoon with maybe a little monkey tail thrown in there. It was very cute and our cab driver, using some of the bananas we bought, coaxed it out of the tree. It was real cool. When we were leaving the La Roca compound Lola and I saw some birds up in the tree. I asked the driver if they were the frigate birds that we saw flying over the water. He replied with a “No, they are vultures.” I felt a little nervous about this cab ride now.


The next stop on the trip was at a bridge over looking a shallow and murky river. We walked out to the middle of the bridge, saw a few more iguanas along the way in a tree, and then we peered over the edge could see about 15 rather large crocodiles. Our cab driver threw down some of the banana we bought and the crocodiles snapped it up. It was really amazing. Leaving the bridge I asked the driver how they kept the crocodiles so close to the bridge and he jokingly replied “they feed them tourists.” I laughed and then made sure and hung onto the rail a little tighter. He later told us that the gift shop up the road will actually will throw down chickens to keep them close.

The next stop was Carara National Park. To every ones surprise the first thing we saw was an iguana. At this point our driver says he liked to eat iguana and, of course, it tastes like chicken. Pop Quiz: Guess what the driver said he feeds the iguanas? If you said popcorn you are incorrect. The correct answer is: Banana. Everything we saw with the driver ate banana. I think his car ran on bananas.

Ok, back to the trip, which is now heading into the Costa Rican rain forest. We weren’t going to take a guide with us but then decided it would be a better idea to learn about what we were seeing rather than just wander aimlessly. The first thing we saw after the iguana was a trail of leaf cutter ants. I have seen them on the nature channel but to see them in real life was awesome. It was like an ant super highway. Just marching along all carrying leafs and flowers. It was really cool. The walk continued for about two hours and we saw a lot of cool things. The three coolest things were:

3: The Super Poisonous Tree Frogs that were black and neon green

2: The Toucan, although we were not able to follow his nose a bowl of fruit loops

1: Basilisk Lizard: If you watch enough discovery channel you might also know these as the Jesus Christ Lizard because they can run on water. We were lucky enough to see a few make a break for it across a creek. That was really amazing.

Side Note: We also found out that everything in the jungle is poisonous or venomous and that most things kill by giving you a heart attack. I made sure to touch nothing. I wish I had brought a suit of armor.

We then left the jungle and returned to the boat. It was a really neat day.

I have let this posting go on a little too long. I will leave you with this quick update.

Today we were in Huatulco (pronounced Wha-tool-co. We have a few people from the boat that pronounce it some fun ways so you can also tell people that we were in Whata-lou-co or my favorite, Whata-tuk-chuck), Mexico. Tomorrow we are in for a full day in Acapulco and followed by a day at sea.

Tune in soon for Duncan’s Guide to Unknown Passengers and The Crew Bar Escapades. Also don’t forget to read Lola’s blog for more Cruisin’ Stories.

Frank did it "His Way"

And the hits just keep on coming.

This is our 3rd full day at sea today although yesterday we did not leave the boat. Yesterday was the journey through the Panama Canal. It was really quite neat and amazing to think that it was built in 1914. It was a full day and really just slow cruising along the canal. We spent about 6 hours on the deck just looking out and watching the locks and scanning the canal shores for neat things. We did see a really big alligator in the mud but that was about it. Lola thinks she may have seen a couple of monkeys. I missed them, if they were actually there. My dad said he saw a couple of dolphins. The neatest thing I thing was we all say some flying fish at breakfast just outside of the window.

The cruise continues to be a blast and we are starting to meet the 6 other young people on the boat. We met a young newlywed couple from Guildford in Surrey a couple nights ago and we hang out and do progressive team trivia with a young guy from Calgary. It is all really quite fun. The cruise activities continue to be quite fun.

My Mom won at Bingo this morning. It was about $160 and really quite funny. One of the cruise activity staff named Mark (During Bingo he goes by ‘Your Money Man Mark’) is the host and he has bad puns for a bunch of the numbers. Lola and I have taken to razzing him on a select few. This morning was the best as he always has someone come up and check to make sure all the Bingo balls are there before we get started. This lady Marge gets up there and says “I can now go and tell my husband that I checked Mark’s balls this morning and they were all there”. Now that was golden.

My mom also placed 2nd in the Slot Machine tournament a couple days ago. I think a slot machine tournament is just a bunch of crap. You can’t get good at the slot machine or have a strategy. You can’t train or read books to get better at it. I guess you could sit in the bathroom at home and flush money down the toilet to train. The faster you can lose $20 in quarters down the toilet the better you would be at the slot machines. That would probably be hard to the pipes through and would be hard to explain to the plumber. It was just a bunch of button mashing. She won a gift bag though so I can’t say too much.

Lola continues to dominate the Women’s Olympics (read her blog for more details) and I continue to hang in there. I am hoping to pick up a few more podium finishes to get back in the race. I lost the playoff for the bronze in the ring toss today. They decided the tie breaker was to be left handed and as you can imagine I was a total spaz trying to neatly throw rings. It is too bad there are no baseball events on the boat because that is my bread and butter. I am looking for the ‘Around the World’ basketball to be my next big chance to move up.

Tomorrow we head into Puntarenas, Costa Rica for another day off the boat (Hien, if you have any recommendations while we are there send me an email or a comment) followed by another day at sea.

Another thing I have learned on the ship watching all of the shows is if you do not have Frank Sinatra in your song list you might as well have stayed home. In a week we have seen 3 different performers sing New York, New York. Lola and I figured that the comedy acts should do it as well just to keep the nights balanced. If I am not mistaken my alphabet soup from dinner spelled the words “My Way” last night, it was kinda creepy. It is hard to start an argument with your soup since I wanted to do it "MMMMMMMMyyyyy WWaaaaaaaaaaaaayyy!"

Scattergories: The Letter is 'G'

It is now our second full day at sea. I finished third in the football toss this morning in the Dam Olympics. That netted me a prize of 2 Dam Dollars. That was much better than the 5th place choke-o-rama during the free throw contest. I believe I am in a tie for 4th or 5th in the overall standings. Lola on the other hand is dominating the ladies competition sweeping first two events. The surprise of the trip was my mom finishing 2nd in the free throw competition going 6 for 10. It was awesome.

Yesterday we spent one big day in Aruba. I wasn’t sure we would find a lot to do but we did. First we went on a guided bus tour to some of the major sites like the natural bridge and Casibari, which is a big rock formation. That was really neat and we toured through some of the little villages and a couple of the beaches. The neat thing in Aruba is that almost none of the homes are more than a single level and at most they are two levels. There are about 100,000 people that live in Aruba and it is about 7 miles wide and 18 miles long, so not exactly huge.

After the tour Lola and I left the parents behind and grabbed a taxi to Arashii Beach which is where the best snorkeling was supposed to be. When we got there is was very wavy and we really could not see anything as the bottom was constantly being churned up. It was really fun getting battered around on shore. We decided to then walk up to the next little beach that was a little calmer and where we were told by the taxi driver that it was a good snorkel beach as well.

This beach was definitely the best snorkeling we have done so far. It was like swimming in an aquarium. There were all kinds of fish, coral, and other sea creatures no matter where you looked. We spent about an hour and a half in the water. I got a little burnage on my back but not too bad. The water was so warm in places it was like 40 people peed in it at the same time. Now that is warm.

Today we are just kicking back and relaxing and spending a day at sea and then tomorrow we enter the Panama Canal. I am looking forward to that as I believe that will definitely be one of the highlights of the trip. My dad won at Bingo this morning. It was quite funny and he walked away with $116. He was also in the finals of the blackjack tourney a couple of days ago and walked away with a T-Shirt and the biggest key chain I have ever seen. The key chain was so big it would have made Mr. T blush.

We are officially done 1/3 of the trip and we are having a great time. Eating, Napping, and Trivia Challenges seem to take up most of our days. The fancy dinners at night have been very good and the on ship entertainment has been pretty good. We have seen 3 comedians, 1 song and dance show, and a Cello player. It has all been pretty good.

Anyways, more to come and check out Lola’s blog for photos. The internet moves pretty slow and costs a bundle so we haven’t had a chance to post many pictures even though we have taken about 120.

Side Note: Scattergories Competition from this Morning

The Letter was G and the Category was Part of the Body – I naturally said Gonads – I wasn’t the only one – No Point – Damn dirty ol’ ladies.

BOOM SHA-LAKA-LAKA GEEZER!!!

We are officially on our 5 full day on the cruise ship and this is a our first day at Sea/ We are currently heading west from Tortola in the British Virgin Islands (that’s BVI if you are cool) to Aruba. Everytime I say Aruba I always want to follow it up with the Kokamo chorus. Aruba, Jamaica, ohhhh, I want to take ya, to Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama…..

So to continue on from last time the cruise has been going well. The food has been good and plentiful and I am sure that I will put back on 10 to 15lbs that I took off. I have been trying to get some exercise, which brings me to the first fun fact. During the cruise the Activities team puts on 3 – 4 events each day where you can earn tickets that are called Dam Dollars. They have a lot of Dam things on this boat. A lot of the prizes in the contests are Dam merchandise. I guess all the boats in the fleet end in a ‘dam’. For example we are on the Westerdam so I guess they use the ‘dam’ to have a little fun.

Lola and I have been trying to dominate the older competition on the boat. We have tried the golf and the team trivia. For the trivia you put your answers on a Dam Answer Sheet. It is all pretty funny and Lola and I try to take advantage of the swearing as much as possible. If you are offended by it then I would stop reading the dam blog about now.

Anyways, Golf and Trivia are one thing, as the elder states-people aboard the cruise have as much or even a better chance at whippin’ our dam butts. That all ended a couple days ago when H-O-R-S-E was on the menu and Lola and I destroyed the competition. There is nothing like dropping a few 3-pointers in a 65 year olds face. BOOM SHA-LAKA-LAKA. In your face grandpa. So as you can probably tell we won a lot of Dam Dollars that day and I think it might only get worse.

Otherwise the days on the boat consist of Tacos, Casino, Piano Bar, Deck Pools, Ice Cream, Tacos, Napping, Watching Movies, Tacos, and getting pointed out by everyone on board that we are the youngest couple here, and then more Tacos. Maybe that is why I have been gaining weight.

A couple of days ago we were in Puerto Rico and had one of the best tour guides I have ever had in my life. This guy had a Masters in Political Science and was driving a tour bus. It was a really great day and we learned a lot about Puerto Rico and saw a lot of Puerto Rico which included where Ricky Martin lives. Well the outside of where Ricky Martin lives. I will tell you he is Livin’ La Vida High Rise Penthouse Condo with an Ocean View Loca. Old San Juan was really neat and strangely it was very clean. It was a really nice day touring around.

Yesterday, as I mentioned, we were in Tortola, BVI. It was very nice and Lola and I spent the day splashing in the waves. For about an hour we sat in the 2’ breakers and got rolled around. It was really fun and people just laughed as we played in the waves like 10 year olds. The island is really just a big mountain and the taxi ride from the boat to the tourist beach was pretty much straight up the mountain and down the other side. It was really cool and the views were awesome. The roads were narrow and they drive on the other side of the road as it is a British Colony. The blind corners were the best as these two older women in the front of the truck taxi kept screaming. It was Dam funny.

That just about wraps up the first week and we are looking forward to a little more dam ass whippin’…..BOOM SHA-LAKA-LAKA!!!

It Was Supposed to Be A 3 Hour Tour!

We are on day 3 of the cruise and I can some up the trip over the first 3 days in a few short sentences:

Day 1 – Boarding the Ship and out to the Sea – Some sun and no snorkeling

Day 2 – Half Moon Cay – Snorkeling and light Sun Burn

Day 3 – Grand Turk – Snorkeling and more Sun Burn

And that should just about wrap it up.

Actually that is pretty close except there have been some really fun things along the way. We left from Vancouver Friday night and arrived in Montreal Saturday morning. Flying at night is great since all you want to do is sleep and the time goes by quickly. It was a full flight and my legs got awesomely cramped. There is really nothing quite like your butt falling asleep.

Montreal was a gong show as my parents decided that the place we needed to go was baggage claim where Lola and I thought the big sign that said US Connections was the best place to go. Last time a checked it Ft. Lauderdale was in the US. So we went to baggage claim and our bags did not come out, well because they went to US Connections, and my parents were chewed out by the customer service representative for not going to the right place. Luckily we had 3 hours between flights so it was fine.

We had breakfast in the airport and then waited for our connection. I think that flying out of Montreal is best reserved for the single male. I came to this conclusion while wandering through the book store. I was walking along the magazine rack, just browsing the shelves. Things were pretty standard; Martha Stewart Living, Time, Maxim, Car & Driver, Oprah, and then, without warning, and hardcore pornography section. I am not talking about classy publications like Playboy and Penthouse, but Cheri and Drunk Girls, I mean this stuff was off the charts. Ole Romantic Montreal.

Ft. Lauderdale was nice for the night we stayed there. The highlight of those few hours was a highway sign that said State Highway A1A. I was looking for Beachfront Avenue to go with it but it was not to be. Look up cheesy rap one hit wonders for the A1A reference.

The first day was pretty relaxed as we boarded the ship. Just some general exploring. It is a very nice boat. Lola and I quickly realized one major difference between us and everyone else on the boat. That one thing is about 40 years. With full seriousness Lola and I have only counted about 14 people younger than us and 10 of that are the crew members. That brings me to the next observation. Most of the activities crew is from Canada. Thought that was worth mentioning.

The first two stops were really just tiny island with nothing more to do than snorkel and swim and maybe lay around the beach. These two places are pretty much owed by the cruise ship so we had it all to ourselves. Pretty relaxing if you ask me and the snorkeling is pretty cool. Lola and I chased a barracuda around the reef for a little while today. They are not as scary as I would have thought.

That is where I will leave it for now. Tune in next time for Evacuation Drill Madness and Lola and Duncan’s Cruise Competition Domination.

Same blog time….same blog channel….tune into Lola’s Blog For More Information.

If you get the A1A reference add it to the blog comments and you could win cheesy tourist gifts.

Too Excited to Sleep

It has finally arrived. The VACATION. I am really excited and it should be a great trip. We are hoping to update the blogs while we are away giving people tidbits of the trip. We can not promise will we be able to upload any photos but we will try our best. We fly out tonight on a redeye to Montreal. Just 4 hours of work left.

In Honour of Brizzo...

For those of you in the know Brizzo and I share birthdays one day apart. Since Brizzo has moved to Chicago we had to go out and celebrate without him and in his honour I had the froofiest drink I could find on the menu. It was actually very tasty. It was kinda like an Orange Creamsicle.

Happy Belated Birthday Brizzo!!!

Almost there...

I am close to my goal with about 5 days to go. Actually I am close to both goals with about 5 days to go. I officially weighed in at 241 today. Just 1 lb from goal and the final pre-vacation weigh in will be on friday. To me this is a great milestone as I have not been below 244 in a vey long time. Lola and I were chatting and this is officially the lightest I have ever been since we have been dating. So that is just over 6 years. If I can drop into the 230's before we leave I would lose my mind.

I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for lots of support. My Mom and my Aunt were great motivators as they have lost a bunch of weight. My Mom looked great at Christmas. I haven't seen my Aunt in a long time (whoops, my bad) so I can't say much about how she is looking but from all accounts she is looking great. I give some inspiration to the show the Biggest Loser. That was pretty neat during one of the family editions. Ok, I have only seen the show once but it gave me the idea for posting my weight on my blog. I give big props to this blog and all its readers. I think because I am accountable to the blog it keeps me going when all I want is a bag of Doritos.

Lastly, and certainly, not leastly, the biggest motivation has been my Lola. However an overweight nerd ended up with an athletic hotty I will never know. I am trying my best to become an athletic hotty as well. Trying.

Lola is also the driving force in making sure that we get all the painting done before we leave. Actually, Lola is the driving force behind us getting any painting done at all. Just the living room and office to do before we leave. I think we can do it.

Opening Day....and I am Excited

Well, I watched the opening game for the Jays and I am really excited about this season. I think we have a legimate chance to make the playoffs. I watched the game and had a few thoughts and thought I would blog them, a la Bill Simmons, in chronological order.

Pre Game:

Troy Glaus is huge. Even standing next to Alex Rios who is pretty tall. Troy Glaus almost looks like Bruce Campbell (Army of Darkness) on steriods. Maybe I shouldn't assume steriods. He almost looks like Bruce Campbell on magical growth pills, or shots.
I am going to miss Tom Cheek as he was a great broadcast man. I did feel that the walk by Mrs. Cheek from mid-center field to the mound was a little awkward. The music in the background was not fitting. They might as well have played the baby elephant walk.

Blue Man Group does the national anthems. Nothing says patriotism like confused looking men covered in blue paint, royal blue paint. That was just weird.

Maybe Russ Adams will be a better shortstop this year.

Alex Rios in the 2 hole. Not where I had him in the lineup. I really like Alex Rios and think he has awesome upside. Like the poor mans Vlad Guerrero.

Game Starts:

Overbay was eaten alive by that ground ball. Don't worry fans he is a great fielder and if he slips then Hillenbrand or Heinske can go there.

Hillenbrand hits a soft one bouncer back to Santana and then runs like he is going to try and beat the throw. It is great to see a Major Leaguer hustle like that. I can't even imagine Barry Bonds blowin' full tilt down the line on a comebacker.

Pat Tabler is a great colour man. After last year and some of the temporary replacements that the Jays had, aka Darren Fletcher, I think Tabler is as good as it gets. Jamie Campbell on the other hand....

Man this Ump has a high strike zone. I just hope he stays consistant.

4th Inning:

E6 - Throwing Error. I hate Russ Adams. He is such a liabilty in the field and his offense does not make up for it. I would rather John MacDonald at shortstop and then hide him down in the 8th or 9th spot in the order.

Welcome New Blue Jays - Glaus hits a Double, Overbay Hits a single, and then after the Hillbrand Sac Fly, Bengie Molina absolutely pissed all over the hanging change. I am liking these acquisitions.

Did anyone notice Rios' hair cut? It was a throwback to Anthony Mason's ever changing head mural.

I wonder of the Jays make a drive into the playoffs if kids will want to start playing baseball again. I am so done with this soccer ambition.

After the 4th:

Shannon Stewart made a terrible read and took a terrible route on the long fly ball from Johnson and still made the catch. That was ridiculus. And it will make sportcenter as a great play. Folks - that should have been routine.

Miguel Bastista has the weirdest stance in history. I don't know why pitchers just throw outside and low. He would never reach it. And what kind of number is 77 - not a baseball number, a hockey number or maybe an offensive lineman. And he hit a Home Run. Dammit.

Alex Rios hits a jack to the opposite field in the 8th - did I not say I love this kid.

Geddy Lee was sitting behind home plate. Now why wasn't Rush doing the national anthems. I guess after the anthem on the South Park Soundtrack they just are all anthemed out. The other thing great about right behind homeplate is watching people crap their pants when a ball is fouled straight back. Man, is that ever funny.

BJ Ryan dominated the heart of the order in getting the save. I would like to see Batista strike out 2 out of 3. I still think we may have over paid for Ryan but ask me again 49 saves later.

Here's to the rest of the season. GO JAYS GO!!

What A Difference

Well we have finished the painting in the hallway and pulled out the old crappy carpet and cleaned off the old floor. You can see a fantastic yellow lino. I tried to convince Lola that we didn't need to put in new flooring because the yellow lino looked awesome. At the end of the white hallway you can see a green and yellow tin. That stuff is called Foam Off and did an awesome job at cleaning the old underlay off the floor. The fun thing is that it smells like citrus and because I was elbow deep in it I now smell very citrussy. I am like the state of Florida, I walk like an old man because my knees are hurting, have my pants pulled up to my nipples, and smell of oranges.