What Would Be The Scariest Thing?

The dust of the hot afternoon dances in the late day sunlight that is pouring into the office. I can hear my kids outdoors, screaming in joyful delight as they zig-zag across the yard playing tag. It is a hot summer day again and again I find myself stuck. I lean back in my chair stretching my under used muscles. My back cricks and crackles as a yawn takes over my body as if to say easy buddy, I'll take it from here.

I am stuck. Writers block. I just stare at the page as if something will just magically appear from the page. I look back out the window for inspiration. I am hoping the clouds will form and shuffle into what I am looking for but alas, the sky only stares back with blue and a big ball of orange. After a few minutes my eyes hurt.

I spin in my chair and look around the room. Maybe something is here that I have missed before? Something in here will help, I know it will. I stare and examine every last corner. I see a picture of a lion. A lion makes sense. A lion would be perfect. But I have already made one of the main characters a lion and he is a good and warm creature. It wouldn't make sense to have the witches henchmen be lions as well. Why did it have to be a cowardly lion in the forest? Dammit! Well it is too late to change it now.

Ok, what else?

Maybe the witch can have dinosaurs? They could stomp from the fortress and destroy everything in their path. That may work. But then how would they carry Dorothy back, and her ruby slippers? It is not like the dinosaur could carry her back in its mouth. That won't work.

I stumble up from my chair and start to pace around my room. I hold my chin and twist 180 degrees after every five steps. I need something that is scary but smart, but not smart enough that they are unbeatable. I need something you can find in bulk but maybe freak it up a bit like the witch has done some good science on them. My stomach growls.

I walk down the stairs and into the kitchen. My wife is busy making cookies and hardly moves as I enter the room. "Still having trouble Frank?", she chirps from a pile of dough.

"Yeah, I just cannot find something to help the witch."

"What about my idea?"

"Flying Dogs?"

"Yeah, they can be vicious and obedient."

"That is true but it just doesn't seem right. I need something that is a little more naturally evil."

"Well, take a cookie and go for a walk. See if you can't work something out."

I pick up the still warm cookie and head outside. The heat of the afternoon is drifting away as I step out towards the sidewalk. I start off down the street and put my hands in my pockets. Something will come to me, I know it.

As I walk into town I notice a small group of people huddled around the town square. I can hear the light rustle of laughter and the quiet song of a music box. My curiosity is driving me toward the crowd. About 2 dozen people are swarming around and I sneak my way to a visible corner looking into the town square. In the middle is a short man wearing a black suit and brown derby. He is hunched over cranking the handle on a music box. To the right of him I see the most frightening thing I have ever seen.

A rope attached to the man's hand stretches down to a collar. Sitting there waving to the crowd, bouncing to the musician is a monkey. It was a hideous thing wearing a fez and a red vest. Its ragged smile flashing to the faces in the crowd. I can feel my stomach turn with anxiety and fear. What if that monkey got loose? What if the man lost control of the beast? It could easily kill a dozen people before the best men in town could bring it down. My mind reels out of control. I have to save these people, I have to save my town, I have to save humanity.

I walk into the square and the people stay focused on the monkey. The monkey pays no attention to me and the tired old man cranking the music box nods his head toward me. He thinks I am going to throw in a quarter to his donation box. I walk closer to the monkey and the hairy monster stops dancing and looks to me, curious, confused, but I can see the rage inside him.

The monkey and the man are both staring at me, waiting, wanting, and I stand still in front of the monkey. I reach back into the top of my pants and I know what I am doing. I know that I am doing everyone a service and in a moment everyone will be chanting my name. It is at that moment that I pull out a pistol and shot the monkey in the face. That damn dirty ape. Just imagine how much scarier he would have been had he learned to fly. Wait, that is the perfect henchmen for a witch. That is the last thing I remember before the crowd closed in and beat the living hell out of me.

Fraser Valley Vs. Prince George in the Final - 6-1 Fraser Valley

Fraser Valley vs. North Shore - 17-6 Final for FV

The Loss of Common Sense

I have lost faith in most people, or more accurately, I have lost faith in society.

I have lost faith in society and their ability to make decision based solely on common sense.

I have lost faith in common sense.

I now believe that common sense was taken into the back room of casino then tortured and killed, the body was driven out the desert, soaked in gasoline, set ablaze, then the ashes were scooped up in a coffee can, taken out to sea and mixed with chum and feed to the fishes.

I believe common sense is dead and is never coming back.

You are asking why? Why, Duncan, have you lost faith in common sense?

Well outside of people of the world just being crazy and outside the fact that George W. Bush was re-elected and that shows a blatent disregard of common sense there is a constant in my life that has been upset. That is baseball and baseball related sports, also known as softball. Why must such a simple thing be spoiled by such a blatent disregard for tradition and ultimately a blatent disregard for common sense.

What are these instances you ask? What could have happened to detroy my faith in common sense?

Let me start by saying that as readers of this blog you may have noticed that I have a serious problem with people not minding there own business and coming up with a whole bunch of societies rules to coddle and destroy today's youth. That should come as no surprise. So the first instance is again related to that tired old topic. An instance where a select few have decided it is time to coddle and wussify our youth even more.

Now for those of you who do not play baseball, let me explain a few things. Baseball is a low to nill collision sport. In the MLB you may see a catcher get run over every now and then. This is fine in the MLB because the size difference between runner and catcher is usually minimal so major injury can be avoided. In Little League and Midget ball we use a slide or avoid technique coming into home. This is because injuries are more likely to happen when you have a 6'3", 220 lb, giant 18 year old run over a 5'6", 150lb, 16 year old. Bad things happen there so rule makes sense. It is there to avoid injury.

In Midget ball though, for next season, they are going to start a slide or avoid rule at second base as well. This is just crap. You need to be able to break up the double play with a hard slide into the second baseman. I have only ever seen, let's see, no one get hurt breaking up a double play as a reseult of the contact that is made with the other player. Again I will see that common sense has left the building and a few over bearing parents with no idea on how baseball is played continue to destroy the integrity of the game.

Example two involves a wet and stormy night of softball. Let me poetically set the scene for this evening of lost common sense. It is about 6:00pm on a weekday, nothing truly unique about the day itself. It had been raining hard all day and it showed no signs of stopping. Ducks and geese were on the street corner complaining it was too wet out and cats and dogs were lining up two by two and heading down to the dock.

I begrudgingly head out to the softball field with my heirem and go there confident that tonights game will be rightfully cancelled. We get to the park and notice the other team setting up a tarp to stay dry as the rain continues to pour down. I laugh inside thinking what a waste of time it is as the umpire will take one look at the field and cancel the game. If anyone would contain some commonsense it will be the umpire. I was wrong. Game on! What? It is pouring!

I make a comment to the umpire that we should not be playing and he replies with, "but the field is in great shape". WHAT!?! THE FIELD!?! What about personal safety?

Does anyone want to guess how injuries happen at softball games?

Getting hit by the ball and twisting and pulling of limbs, such as ankles and knees.

Guess what happens when the field is soaking wet?

The field and the ball are slippery and the chance of injury goes up exponentially. This idiot umpire is concerned that the field is in good shape and not about the fact that people will be heaving a softball at 50 mph towards a runner at 1st base and may not have any control of that throw. It was like he was begging for an injury to happen just to see the result. He gets paid whether the game happens or not. What an sadistic ass!

Common sense is lost and I have been looking to find it with no luck yet. The hope is that natural selection will weed a few people out.

What Are You So Afraid Of?

I am going to have to tell everyone something and I know that you are not going to be happy about. I know a lot of people are not going to believe. This one comment could shake the foundation which you build your whole life on. This one thing could change your life not only today but forever.

What is it?

What could it be?

Well here it goes. Death exists! It will always exist and there is nothing you can do about it.

So your asking what is the point of bringing this up?

The point is that you do not have to live life being afraid of it because you can not avoid it. Sure you can avoid things like bugs, spiders, snakes, the outdoors, or kryptonite. You can do active things to avoid those situations. The thing with death is that no matter where you hide or how you live your life you are going to kick the bucket, bite the big one, push some daisies, or just keel over and die.

I am not asking everyone to invite death over and have a cup of tea. I am not asking people to go around with a blatant disregard for your own life. The last thing we need is a bunch of people trying new things because they can only live once. I am sure that not everyone needs to try and overdose on heroin just because this is the one life you got and need to try everything out. I am just saying that you should not go through life over cautious and being afraid of the avoidable. It would be like having a fear of taking a crap. You eat food, you are going to have to crap, live with it, and if you are like me, take the time to learn something new and read.