NOW I have seen everything

I thought after the stapleless stapler I had seen everything. Then I read about this little nugget of scientific innovation.

Could we care for the clumsy any more. It's called natural selection. It's called America's Funniest Home Videos!

Duperman?

The marketing machine has started and everybody is a buzz about the new Superman movie. People seem to be so excited. So happy. They all say it is a must see. But...

I feel that I am just not into it. I really could not figure out why. I thought about it and came to this conclusion; Superman is Boring.

I know, shame on me, dissing the legand of Superman, but come on. All the things that makes superhero movies great, Superman is lacking. Let me have a few example to illustrate my point.
First thing that makes superheroes exciting is cool super power. Superman is super strong, but in the world of super heroes, who isn't, other than maybe Batman, Green Lantern, Scooby-Doo... Bulletproof you say. I say it is called kevlar my shiney friend. Faster than a speeding bullet - not that cool. That's why no one likes the Flash. X-ray vision is probably the only thing that is kind of cool but that is the kind of power that only teenage boys could think is the 'bees knees'. I want webcrawlin' action. I want adamantium claws. Throw in some blinding green rage or sharks with frickin' lazer beams attached to their heads. I need something more from you Superman.

Second thing that makes these movies great is the villian. Most of the time that is what makes me want to see the movie. Now let me think, Superman's biggest enemy is, umm, a rich white guy with a power complex, or as he is better know, George W. Bush...whoops...I mean Lex W. Luther (there may not be a 'W' in the middle). Excuse my while I wipe the sleep from me eyes. At least Kevin Spacey has a chance to make him cool. Other superheroes have way cooler archenemies. The Joker, Green Goblin, Magneto, Park Ranger Smith, the list goes on.

Lastly and kind of thrown in for kicks. What kind of Superhero can be killed by a diaper full of Kryptonite? A radioactive rock can kill you! Not in my superhero land. Last time I checked radioactive materials, including rocks, gave you superpowers. I don't see the fantastic four crying everytime a radioactive space storm pulse thingy goes driving by. I don't see Spiderman whinning about an infestation of radioactive spiders. I don't see the Toxic Avenger curling into the fetal position anytime he is near the Great Lakes. Rocks? You are bulletproof! Sticks and stones candy ass!

I am not SUPER excited to see the movie but I am sure I will see it and I am sure it will be better than some of the crap I have seen, excuse me Dare Devil. I just think Superman could use a little extra something. He is too basic. Where are the witty one liners, where is the dark side, and where in the world is Carmen San Diego (Answer: Monday through Friday at 5 according to Rockapella).

"Fred's Slacks" is a Winner

The 8 Pound Vacation

Ok - So after a week of post-vacation bad eating. including trips to McDonalds, Taco Time, and A&W, mostly because we did not have an oven, and combined with the 3 week eat-and-drink-a-thon while on cruise, I have gained back 8 pounds.

I am not sure how I feel about that. I guess happy that I didn't gain back double digits and sad that I have to lose those pounds all over again.

Otherwise, as the renovations continue, I will continue to post some more after shots of the house as the floors are now done and most of the walls are painted.

Things are coming together.

A Few of My Favorite Pictures

Iguanas in a tree in Costa Rica. Just couple of the dozen we saw.

The Cliff Divers in Acapulco. Not quite the same as Twin Lakes back home.

This is the Wahoo my Dad caught while we were fishing in Cabo San Lucas. About 4 Feet long and probably around 60 lbs.

Standing on the wall one of the forts in San Juan, Puerto Rico.

In the water at our first stop on Half Moon Cay, Bahamas. The water was as warm as it looks.

My first froofy drink on the boat. I asked for the fruitiest drink they have.

I really just like this photo. It is of the major bridge over the Panama Canal

This is us in the Northern Lights on the Ship. Ashley is on the right and DJ Travis is 'Playing the Hits' on the left.

ms Westerdam, Spring Panama Canal Cruise, Volume 7

It is almost over and this will be my last blog from the high seas. We are currently booking it north along the California coast and about 900 people left the boat in LA. It makes a big difference to see that many people off the boat. It is noticeably less cranky…whoops…I mean less crowded.

Some pretty exciting things have happened over the past few days. Both Lola and I have won at BINGO. I won a wallet filling $36 and Lola again beat me and won $100 this morning. These were our first wins at BINGO. We can now leave the boat in peace.

Lola and I have will also be bringing home a lot of ‘dam’ merchandise. Lola won the gold in the Olympics and won a huge pile of stuff. The bigger news of the last couple days on the ship was that I finally clutched up and won the Game Show Mania finals. I beat out Lola, Kendra, and George. I have to admit that a few questions just fell in my lap but I am taking the victory just the same. To all those we play Pop Culture Trivial Pursuit with, I have done you proud.

The weather has changed very quickly and we are below 20 degrees today. After 3 weeks of 30 plus this is a big change. The sunscreen can now be packed away as I feel we will no longer need it.

LA, or what really was Long Beach, we really uneventful as US Customs made sure to try and break the Waiting in Line World Record. It was a day when old people reached their peak of crankiness. There wasn’t really anything to see so Lola, Mama, and I went Chili’s for lunch. Mama had the baby back, baby back, baby back, Chili’s Baby Back Ribs. The more I eat at restaurants in the US the more I understand why there is a weight problem. The portions are just too big. I imagine I would have weighed double what I weigh now had I lived in the US.

Just a few more days and we leave the boat in Seattle. I imagine crossing the border should be a good time. I am making sure to eat lots of beans the not before to at least make it interesting for the strip search.

We have quite a few pictures and quite a few stories. One little tidbit is that with all the elderly on board there have been a few stops where people have been taken off the boat by stretcher and Ambulance. In the back of my cruel mind and bass line from a ‘Queen’ song strums along. Do-Do Do Do Do, Do Do Do Do Do, and another one bites the dust.

I am going to hell but I am trying to make the trip at least a little fun.

One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Floor

Do you know what time it is?

It’s Howdy Doody Time!!!

Anyways, the trip is coming to a close and we are cruising north to LA from Cabo San Lucas. The last 5 days we have been stopping in Ports along the west coast of Mexico. We have been to Huatulco, Acapulco, Puerto Vallarta, and finally yesterday in Cabo. The plans for the week went a little something like this.

Huatulco – Snorkeling and Souvenir Shopping

Acapulco – Started smooth with a trip around the city on a tour and then it all went down hill or maybe up hill depending on your perspective. Lola and I joined a couple of the party goers, Bruce and Ashley, on a trip to Senor Frogs. After about 6-8 Coronas the double shots of Tequila started and that just about did it. It was officially, as Ashley would say, a SHIT SHOW. I think I was a little hurting for a couple days. Luckily we had a day at sea after that night.

Puerto Vallarta and Cabo were both very short days on shore. We hit the beach and shopping in Puerto and Papa and I went fishing in Cabo. Papa caught a Wahoo that was about 4 feet long and about 55lbs. It was really impressive.

What I really wanted to do was give you a quick overview of the people that are on board and nicknames that Lola and I have been giving them, especially if we don’t know their real names.

Batman and Robyn: This is a younger couple by ship standards. They are probably in their mid to late 30’s. The woman kind of looked like a retired version of the old pop singer Robyn, the one who sang “Show Me Love”. Anyways, we started calling them Batman and Robyn and then it turns out that her name actually is Robyn. What are the freaking chances?

Titanic Rose: We figure this cute little old lady was on the original Titanic and she has the wardrobe to prove it. Everyday it is another cute ensemble and anyways topped of with a little hat.

Nipple Pants: I know that you are all thinking that this could be everyone on board given the demographic but there is one guy in particular that makes all the others look like teenagers. I think he should just make sleeves out of his pockets and save himself buying a shirt.

The Venga Boys: There was a show on board called the New York Vegabonds. They were actually not a bad quartet. Lola and I naturally started calling them the Venga Boys. We actually got a chance to get to know one of the performers. His name was James Baylis. That was pretty weird but we figure he just wanted to hang out with young people as well. I don’t blame him.

Finally we have our favorite hang out, The Lights. Officially called The Northern Lights it is the night club on the ship. Most nights it is just the few young folks, Lola and I, Ashley, Steve, Brent and Dyan. We show up and bug DJ Travis, one of the cruise activity staff, to “Play the Hits”. It is all quite funny. On the lucky nights we get to watch an older couple we have all dubbed the “Chicken Dancer”. There is nothing quite like seeing an old guy with no rhythm grind it out with his wife. Now THAT is entertainment.

We stop in LA tomorrow and then spend a couple days at sea before getting off in Seattle. It should be a good trip and we will need to take pictures of all of the staff and crew that we have made friends with. I may get on more posting up before we get home. Once we are at home I will post a bunch of the pictures, probably on Flickr for yoru viewing pleasure.

Until then, the trip from LA to Seattle should be a big party.

SHIT SHOW!!!