Duperman?

The marketing machine has started and everybody is a buzz about the new Superman movie. People seem to be so excited. So happy. They all say it is a must see. But...

I feel that I am just not into it. I really could not figure out why. I thought about it and came to this conclusion; Superman is Boring.

I know, shame on me, dissing the legand of Superman, but come on. All the things that makes superhero movies great, Superman is lacking. Let me have a few example to illustrate my point.
First thing that makes superheroes exciting is cool super power. Superman is super strong, but in the world of super heroes, who isn't, other than maybe Batman, Green Lantern, Scooby-Doo... Bulletproof you say. I say it is called kevlar my shiney friend. Faster than a speeding bullet - not that cool. That's why no one likes the Flash. X-ray vision is probably the only thing that is kind of cool but that is the kind of power that only teenage boys could think is the 'bees knees'. I want webcrawlin' action. I want adamantium claws. Throw in some blinding green rage or sharks with frickin' lazer beams attached to their heads. I need something more from you Superman.

Second thing that makes these movies great is the villian. Most of the time that is what makes me want to see the movie. Now let me think, Superman's biggest enemy is, umm, a rich white guy with a power complex, or as he is better know, George W. Bush...whoops...I mean Lex W. Luther (there may not be a 'W' in the middle). Excuse my while I wipe the sleep from me eyes. At least Kevin Spacey has a chance to make him cool. Other superheroes have way cooler archenemies. The Joker, Green Goblin, Magneto, Park Ranger Smith, the list goes on.

Lastly and kind of thrown in for kicks. What kind of Superhero can be killed by a diaper full of Kryptonite? A radioactive rock can kill you! Not in my superhero land. Last time I checked radioactive materials, including rocks, gave you superpowers. I don't see the fantastic four crying everytime a radioactive space storm pulse thingy goes driving by. I don't see Spiderman whinning about an infestation of radioactive spiders. I don't see the Toxic Avenger curling into the fetal position anytime he is near the Great Lakes. Rocks? You are bulletproof! Sticks and stones candy ass!

I am not SUPER excited to see the movie but I am sure I will see it and I am sure it will be better than some of the crap I have seen, excuse me Dare Devil. I just think Superman could use a little extra something. He is too basic. Where are the witty one liners, where is the dark side, and where in the world is Carmen San Diego (Answer: Monday through Friday at 5 according to Rockapella).