Feeling a Bit Like an Underachiever
There are some days that go by and I think about what I have done in my life.
Then I think about what I should have done in my life.
Then I think what a waste some of my choices have been.
I always felt in high school that I would amount to so much more. Something so much more exciting. That when I went back to the high school reunion I would be this great and successful person that everybody was excited to talk to and I would thrill them with all the great adventures and successes in my life.
Then I think how little I have accomplished personally in those 10 long years. I am not famous. I am not making lots of money in the top of my field. I do not have a bucket full of adventures to share with all my friends when I head home for the holidays.
Like Lola noted the other night we just sit around and talk about the glory days. The GLORY DAYS!! That means THAT was my prime and now I sit here. Here in a trailer. Here in my pajamas. I feel like I let so many people down.
Yet...
Maybe there was no expectation of me by other people. Maybe my peers in high school thought I would lead the average life and not rise above the median. Maybe that is because all I was in my GLORY DAYS was the median.
No Awards, or Accolades, or a Trophy Case and News Paper clippings of all the great things I did. I just hovered in the background letting the spotlight fall onto someone else, intentionally or otherwise. Maybe I have fulfilled those expectations of mediocrity and I don't think that is any better than not living up to my own lofty expectations.
I feel like there is so much more I should be doing. Like I should take acting classes to make up for not doing it in high school. Maybe I should try improv comedy. Maybe I should taking art classes. Maybe I should go back to school and get the degree I should have gotten in the first place.
I think the main problem is I dream big and execute small. I envision myself doing something great and then don't follow it through or just waffle to stay on the safe side rather than exposing myself.
The one thing I have learned from all my running is to set goals in small stages rather than overall huge goals. For example the big goal was to lose 60 pounds. If I would have left it at that I would have failed and fallen off the wagon already. Instead it was about setting smaller goals to lead me along the path of success.
So small goals are being achieved on a personal level but professionally I am still lagging behind. Maybe I should stay trying to focus on personal goals.
Kudos to me for running 36 Km between Monday and Friday this week including a 15 Km run on Monday - the longest continuous run of my life. I am starting to think the 1/2 marathon is a realistic achievement and the nervousness is starting to slide away.
Now only if I had a Podcast...
Then I think about what I should have done in my life.
Then I think what a waste some of my choices have been.
I always felt in high school that I would amount to so much more. Something so much more exciting. That when I went back to the high school reunion I would be this great and successful person that everybody was excited to talk to and I would thrill them with all the great adventures and successes in my life.
Then I think how little I have accomplished personally in those 10 long years. I am not famous. I am not making lots of money in the top of my field. I do not have a bucket full of adventures to share with all my friends when I head home for the holidays.
Like Lola noted the other night we just sit around and talk about the glory days. The GLORY DAYS!! That means THAT was my prime and now I sit here. Here in a trailer. Here in my pajamas. I feel like I let so many people down.
Yet...
Maybe there was no expectation of me by other people. Maybe my peers in high school thought I would lead the average life and not rise above the median. Maybe that is because all I was in my GLORY DAYS was the median.
No Awards, or Accolades, or a Trophy Case and News Paper clippings of all the great things I did. I just hovered in the background letting the spotlight fall onto someone else, intentionally or otherwise. Maybe I have fulfilled those expectations of mediocrity and I don't think that is any better than not living up to my own lofty expectations.
I feel like there is so much more I should be doing. Like I should take acting classes to make up for not doing it in high school. Maybe I should try improv comedy. Maybe I should taking art classes. Maybe I should go back to school and get the degree I should have gotten in the first place.
I think the main problem is I dream big and execute small. I envision myself doing something great and then don't follow it through or just waffle to stay on the safe side rather than exposing myself.
The one thing I have learned from all my running is to set goals in small stages rather than overall huge goals. For example the big goal was to lose 60 pounds. If I would have left it at that I would have failed and fallen off the wagon already. Instead it was about setting smaller goals to lead me along the path of success.
So small goals are being achieved on a personal level but professionally I am still lagging behind. Maybe I should stay trying to focus on personal goals.
Kudos to me for running 36 Km between Monday and Friday this week including a 15 Km run on Monday - the longest continuous run of my life. I am starting to think the 1/2 marathon is a realistic achievement and the nervousness is starting to slide away.
Now only if I had a Podcast...
posted by Duncan McAllister at 10:39 p.m.
1 Comments:
Well, well, well--your first class pity party is far from mediocre -- its downright excellent and you didn't think you had the gumption to excel!! What continues to amaze me is your commitment to do a half marathon and lose weight--why don't you throw in the towel on that too?? \yours in mediocrity - Cyril
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