Damn You Shania
I have listened to this song now for too long and I have decided to do a thoughtful essay on just what all of this means. What does Shania want and are these reasonable demands of her suitor? I would contest her demands at times during this song and as usual I will not keep my thoughts to myself. This is not an attack on country music. This is only an attack on Shania and her song "Any Man Of Mine".
This is what a woman wants...
Any man of mine better be proud of me
Even when I'm ugly he still better love me
I don't really have too much problem with any of this. There are things that a woman is going to do that I will not be proud of. Like crashing the car, cheating on me, or being a total hose bag but for the most part I will usually be very proud of whatever you do. Now about the second part. How often do you plan on being ugly because I might have a problem with that. This goes back to the old chinese proverb, "Beauty is all on the inside." So that means being ugly is defined as you being an unpleasant person to be around, or as the old chinese proverb says, "a raging bitch". I would have a tough time with this but to be realistic, if that is the way you are then I probably wouldn't have fallen in love with you in the first place. Sure, we might have had some good times, maybe you're great in bed, but that does not mean I loved you.
And I can be late for a date that's fine
But he better be on time
This one line ticks me off more than any other. If you are late for a date I am going to be pissed off. That is the bottom line. I hate being late, especially if your excuse is that you had trouble finding something to wear or I had to put on my make-up. Plan for delays and make sure you are on time because you know that I will be there early. If I am late, then you can be mad at me, but don't expect me to be ok with your dilly-dallying.
Any man of mine'll say it fits just right
When last year's dress is just a little too tight
OK, this is just common sense. Any man with the right head about him would never say that you are looking a little bigger this year. Strangely I would have to agree with Shania on this one.
And anything I do or say better be okay
When I have a bad hair day
Bad hair is not an excuse, along with PMS, cramps, or broken nails, for being a total hose beast. You do not have the right to be a jerk, especially when any woman of mine is not going to take that crap from me. And I will be the judge of you having a bad hair day or not and then only say anything if you are asking for me opinion. Example conversation;
Lola: "Hey Duncan, do I have bedhead?"
Duncan: "Turn around?"
Lola: "How does it look?"
Duncan: "Yeah, that is some great bedhead."
See how nice that conversation was? It was honest and yet I still complimented Lola on her "great" bedhead. It is something she can be proud of and smile about before she combs it down.
And if I change my mind
A million times
I wanna hear him say
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I like it that way
And I say "hurry up and make a freaking decision already". I am very lucky in the relationship I am in that Lola is very decisive and she usually doesn't change her mind more than once or twice, if at all. This relates back to the reason why you are late all the time. This is going to frustrate me all over again. Does this decision change the world? No? Okay, hurry up and decide on paper or plastic already.
Well any man of mine better disagree
When I say another woman's lookin' better than me
Again I would say that this is common sense. Of course the woman I am with is the most beautiful woman in the world and there is nothing you can say to change that. Now I may walk past the bakery and see a really delicious looking chocolate cake in the window and think, only for a moment, how yummy that looks. Then I think of how bad it is for you and how gross I would feel afterward when I ate the whole thing. Then I think how lucky I am to have my little corn tortilla at home.
And when I cook him dinner and I burn it black
He better say, mmmm, I like it like that yeah
Burn the dinner once and I say that is cute and a honest mistake. Burn it twice, I may think you are not cut out for the kitchen. Burn it again and call me an idiot for eating it. I am totally fine if you can not cook. Some people are not cut out for the kitchen and I appreciate the effort but just stop now. In addition, if I say "I like it like that" then you will keep burning food on propose because you think I like it. So, in this case, honesty is the best policy.
If you wanna be a man of mine, that's right
This is what a woman wants...
Okay, so I have left out the last three or four verses of the song but that is because it was mostly just a repeat of the chorus and then some weird directions to what the kids these days would call a "line dance". Although I do enjoy the phrase, "a-hup two, three four". There is just something about a good "a-hup" that can really get the day started right.
"C'mon everybody, let your boots shake,
doe-si-doe, and a stomp, stomp.
Leave a comment, make the keys quake,
a-hup two, three, four"
This is what a woman wants...
Any man of mine better be proud of me
Even when I'm ugly he still better love me
I don't really have too much problem with any of this. There are things that a woman is going to do that I will not be proud of. Like crashing the car, cheating on me, or being a total hose bag but for the most part I will usually be very proud of whatever you do. Now about the second part. How often do you plan on being ugly because I might have a problem with that. This goes back to the old chinese proverb, "Beauty is all on the inside." So that means being ugly is defined as you being an unpleasant person to be around, or as the old chinese proverb says, "a raging bitch". I would have a tough time with this but to be realistic, if that is the way you are then I probably wouldn't have fallen in love with you in the first place. Sure, we might have had some good times, maybe you're great in bed, but that does not mean I loved you.
And I can be late for a date that's fine
But he better be on time
This one line ticks me off more than any other. If you are late for a date I am going to be pissed off. That is the bottom line. I hate being late, especially if your excuse is that you had trouble finding something to wear or I had to put on my make-up. Plan for delays and make sure you are on time because you know that I will be there early. If I am late, then you can be mad at me, but don't expect me to be ok with your dilly-dallying.
Any man of mine'll say it fits just right
When last year's dress is just a little too tight
OK, this is just common sense. Any man with the right head about him would never say that you are looking a little bigger this year. Strangely I would have to agree with Shania on this one.
And anything I do or say better be okay
When I have a bad hair day
Bad hair is not an excuse, along with PMS, cramps, or broken nails, for being a total hose beast. You do not have the right to be a jerk, especially when any woman of mine is not going to take that crap from me. And I will be the judge of you having a bad hair day or not and then only say anything if you are asking for me opinion. Example conversation;
Lola: "Hey Duncan, do I have bedhead?"
Duncan: "Turn around?"
Lola: "How does it look?"
Duncan: "Yeah, that is some great bedhead."
See how nice that conversation was? It was honest and yet I still complimented Lola on her "great" bedhead. It is something she can be proud of and smile about before she combs it down.
And if I change my mind
A million times
I wanna hear him say
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I like it that way
And I say "hurry up and make a freaking decision already". I am very lucky in the relationship I am in that Lola is very decisive and she usually doesn't change her mind more than once or twice, if at all. This relates back to the reason why you are late all the time. This is going to frustrate me all over again. Does this decision change the world? No? Okay, hurry up and decide on paper or plastic already.
Well any man of mine better disagree
When I say another woman's lookin' better than me
Again I would say that this is common sense. Of course the woman I am with is the most beautiful woman in the world and there is nothing you can say to change that. Now I may walk past the bakery and see a really delicious looking chocolate cake in the window and think, only for a moment, how yummy that looks. Then I think of how bad it is for you and how gross I would feel afterward when I ate the whole thing. Then I think how lucky I am to have my little corn tortilla at home.
And when I cook him dinner and I burn it black
He better say, mmmm, I like it like that yeah
Burn the dinner once and I say that is cute and a honest mistake. Burn it twice, I may think you are not cut out for the kitchen. Burn it again and call me an idiot for eating it. I am totally fine if you can not cook. Some people are not cut out for the kitchen and I appreciate the effort but just stop now. In addition, if I say "I like it like that" then you will keep burning food on propose because you think I like it. So, in this case, honesty is the best policy.
If you wanna be a man of mine, that's right
This is what a woman wants...
Okay, so I have left out the last three or four verses of the song but that is because it was mostly just a repeat of the chorus and then some weird directions to what the kids these days would call a "line dance". Although I do enjoy the phrase, "a-hup two, three four". There is just something about a good "a-hup" that can really get the day started right.
"C'mon everybody, let your boots shake,
doe-si-doe, and a stomp, stomp.
Leave a comment, make the keys quake,
a-hup two, three, four"
posted by Duncan McAllister at 10:37 a.m.
3 Comments:
Sure, why not? Corn tortillas are pretty damn yummy. Especially fresh of the comal. Mmmmm...
As for the rest of the comments, most of it makes pretty good sense. Especially the bad hair part. Having short hair, you can get some pretty awesome bedhead going. Thus, I ask for Duncan's honest opinion if it's okay if I step outside, or if it's just unacceptable. Sometimes it is, sometimes it's not. Depends on the day I guess.
As for PMS, I don't really suffer from it; at least very rarely. So I can't really say how much of a "hosebag" I would be. However, I do know what it's like to suffer from cramps that feel like someone is virtually kicking your stomach and back. Try bleeding continually for 7 days and going through that, and I wouldn't be surprised that even the best of us can turn into "hosebags" some of the time.
Having said all that--I especially love the line dancing. Definately nothing like "a-hup".
The whole post was funny, but that corn tortilla reference darn near killed me....I'm relieved that Lola didn't mind.
look at the response to this song called "Any woman of mine" by Robet Lund at http://www.robertlund.com/index.html
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