Please Read the Fine Print
I am sure that we have all noticed that small print on bottom of every TV commercial. Those restrictions, guidelines, and scientific information that companies put there becuase they are afraid of being sued or have to pay out something they meant as a joke.
The best example of that was Pepsi points and the Harrier Jet incident where a kid, working with a lot of Pepsi, actually collected enough point for the Jet that was advertised in the commercial. From then on fine print has been an institution. The great thing it it really illustrated how simple minded everyone in America can be.
The most famous and famliar fine print slogan is obviously "batteries not included". This was such a great phrase that it was made into a movie. You know that movie with the robot aliens and Jessica Tandy living in the low income housing project that is set to be bull dozed. In the end everyone rises against the evil corporation and the robots become slave labour in the kitchen or something. Not really sure anymore. Anyways, how many kids did they get to go to that movie because of the title and the cute robots and all they got to see was crazy old people. Know wonder I was afraid of my Grandma.
My next favorite, and one that every Canadian is famaliar with was "not available to residents of Quebec". Those poor bastards were left out of every major contest in the country. OK, so maybe that is why every second lotto winner is from PQ, but how many times did they get left out of winning a life supply of Oh Henry bars or seven cases of OxyClean. Wait, I think Oh Henry had a marketing partnership with OxyClean. If you won a life supply of Oh Henry you would no choice but to win the OxyClean package or else face a pimply faced childhood. Some kid wins candy bars then spends thousand on OxyClean. Damn, that's genius.
There are a ton of these and they are all hilrious becuase you know they are there to keep the dumbest of are species alive a well.
American Model Shown - This appears in a car commercial. It is funny that they wouldn't show the classy european model during an American broadcast of the commercial. Even better would be if they showed the British or Australian model so the steering wheel would be on the wrong side of the car and leave all the Amercians truly confused.
Professional Driver on a closed course - Oh really. I thought that a mechanic would always just be strapped to the bottom of my car, you know, just in case. Oh, well maybe that is just on the european model.
Elapsed time "insert number" seconds - You mean my cookies will not just magically super bake in 5 seconds like on TV or I won't be able to soaked up my glass full of water instantly. Oh well, I guess I will have to drink my magic blue liquid.
No Purchase Neccessary - This is just marketing genius. Why don't you just give the contest description and demand that no one actualy goes and buys your product. You would rather have them spend no money so they can win prizes that your company buys and pays for, so you can lose money. I want to believe that some VP lost their job over this nugget but since it is still happening, I would say no.
Helmet must be worn at all times - Can you guess what commercial this was pulled from? Any idea?
Motorcycle? - no way.
Mountain Bikes? - try again.
An old Mountian Dew commercial that is showing lots of extreme sports? - close.
It was for Werther's Original Candy. Appearently you need to wear a helmet in order to enjoy that smooth butterscotch taste. What has the world come to?
In all honesty I think the message is there because a some orphan swiss kids it riding to bike leisurely through the mountains to the town of Werther so he can grab some sugar for the day and watch them make all the candy. What the fine print doesn't tell you is that by the time that kid is 14 he will have diabetes because of the forty pounds of sugar he ate everyday.
Maybe Werther's should take the alcohol fine print, "Please enjoy responsibly", and then all the alcohol industries can take, "helmet must be worn at all times". To me, that make much more sense.
But then we live in a society where McDonald's need to tell everybody that coffee is hot.
The best example of that was Pepsi points and the Harrier Jet incident where a kid, working with a lot of Pepsi, actually collected enough point for the Jet that was advertised in the commercial. From then on fine print has been an institution. The great thing it it really illustrated how simple minded everyone in America can be.
The most famous and famliar fine print slogan is obviously "batteries not included". This was such a great phrase that it was made into a movie. You know that movie with the robot aliens and Jessica Tandy living in the low income housing project that is set to be bull dozed. In the end everyone rises against the evil corporation and the robots become slave labour in the kitchen or something. Not really sure anymore. Anyways, how many kids did they get to go to that movie because of the title and the cute robots and all they got to see was crazy old people. Know wonder I was afraid of my Grandma.
My next favorite, and one that every Canadian is famaliar with was "not available to residents of Quebec". Those poor bastards were left out of every major contest in the country. OK, so maybe that is why every second lotto winner is from PQ, but how many times did they get left out of winning a life supply of Oh Henry bars or seven cases of OxyClean. Wait, I think Oh Henry had a marketing partnership with OxyClean. If you won a life supply of Oh Henry you would no choice but to win the OxyClean package or else face a pimply faced childhood. Some kid wins candy bars then spends thousand on OxyClean. Damn, that's genius.
There are a ton of these and they are all hilrious becuase you know they are there to keep the dumbest of are species alive a well.
American Model Shown - This appears in a car commercial. It is funny that they wouldn't show the classy european model during an American broadcast of the commercial. Even better would be if they showed the British or Australian model so the steering wheel would be on the wrong side of the car and leave all the Amercians truly confused.
Professional Driver on a closed course - Oh really. I thought that a mechanic would always just be strapped to the bottom of my car, you know, just in case. Oh, well maybe that is just on the european model.
Elapsed time "insert number" seconds - You mean my cookies will not just magically super bake in 5 seconds like on TV or I won't be able to soaked up my glass full of water instantly. Oh well, I guess I will have to drink my magic blue liquid.
No Purchase Neccessary - This is just marketing genius. Why don't you just give the contest description and demand that no one actualy goes and buys your product. You would rather have them spend no money so they can win prizes that your company buys and pays for, so you can lose money. I want to believe that some VP lost their job over this nugget but since it is still happening, I would say no.
Helmet must be worn at all times - Can you guess what commercial this was pulled from? Any idea?
Motorcycle? - no way.
Mountain Bikes? - try again.
An old Mountian Dew commercial that is showing lots of extreme sports? - close.
It was for Werther's Original Candy. Appearently you need to wear a helmet in order to enjoy that smooth butterscotch taste. What has the world come to?
In all honesty I think the message is there because a some orphan swiss kids it riding to bike leisurely through the mountains to the town of Werther so he can grab some sugar for the day and watch them make all the candy. What the fine print doesn't tell you is that by the time that kid is 14 he will have diabetes because of the forty pounds of sugar he ate everyday.
Maybe Werther's should take the alcohol fine print, "Please enjoy responsibly", and then all the alcohol industries can take, "helmet must be worn at all times". To me, that make much more sense.
But then we live in a society where McDonald's need to tell everybody that coffee is hot.
posted by Duncan McAllister at 10:40 p.m.
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